Attachment in adults deals with the theory of attachment in adult relationships including friendships, emotional affairs, adult romantic relationships and in some cases inanimate objects known as “transitional objects.” Attachment theory, initially studied more than 50 years ago, focused primarily in the context of children and parents. This has been extended into adult relationships. Four main styles of attachment have been identified in adults. This can be a great place to begin holding curiosity about the ways we show up in our relationships.
If you’re interested in a quick and easy assessment, I’ve made a quiz to help you! Click here to visit the quiz.
It’ll take you about 5 minutes and may give you a great starting point. If you’re already familiar with attachment theory this can be an interesting way to see where you are and if there have been changes since the last time you visited your attachment content.
How We See Attachment
I remember when I first dove into attachment theory. I read the bible on attachment, a HUGE book with thin pages. I devoured it like a good meal, I couldn’t get enough (and I was not this way with all psychology textbooks!) I have a personal affinity for attachment and am constantly, whether it’s explicit or energetic, threading this through my therapeutic work, personal relationships, family, and my relationship to myself.
So I surely know what it is to see a pattern in myself and go “oh no”….sometimes we see things in ourselves from assessments like this attachment quiz that we’re not a fan of. We all have tendencies! And we all will embody different types of behaviors in different contexts and relationships. This is meant to help us be curious, not to blame or shame or judge. My invitation is to be gentle with yourself as you visit this. Viewing yourself and this process with compassion, curiosity, confidence, and a beginner’s mind serves well here.
If you find big questions or things feel stirred up about your attachment in relationships, spending time with a psychotherapist who is attachment based can be a great way to feel into these pieces of ourselves. My take on therapy is that it is the perfect incubator to practice and work deeply with attachment. I’ve certainly been working on building secure attachment in myself for years! And I’m incredibly pleased with all the time, effort, tears, and money I’ve spent there. I directly see the fruits. I also see that there will always be more, up until the last day. This is not a place where we “get to” and are then finished, in my eyes attachment is a conversation and a constant dialogue. Not all therapists are attachment based, there are so many ways to do everything! If you would like a referral for a professional who is attachment based, please write to me and ask, I am so happy to share the skilled professionals in this community!
Warmest wishes for your attachment conversation, if you have comments / questions / anything to share please write to me at firstname.lastname@example.org ! Until next time, warmly, Alicia